Love Unconditionally
Our readers who have pets know. For example; If you have a dog, you know he loves you unexpectedly. It cannot say “I love you” but it makes you feel it. When you leave the house for five minutes and come back, he is delighted and happily hugged you, as if he had not seen it for days. That day, you were beautiful, ugly, you earned a lot of money, you didn’t earn it, did you bring him food or not, he doesn’t care about them, he just loves you.
When you love, your heart is completely open. Life is an opportunity for love to blossom. The only force that changes everything is love. Rejoice. Show, feel, and say your love. As we said at the beginning, love is an process of alchemy. When you love someone, you immediately notice that they change. However, this love must be unconditional.
Communicate Openly
“Either look as you are or be as you seem.”
Rumi
Be an open communicator and be clear enough about everything. Don’t hide things or lie. Be sincere and sincere. For example; Your child will understand if you are transparent about your family budget. He will not insist on you because he thinks everyone is using the latest model phone. Your inner voice tells you that you cannot be transparent in everything. You can know how transparent and open you will be with your common sense.
Make an effort to be a true communicator. Master your listening. Realize that your true friends are the ones who listen to you the most. Give your kids the communication they deserve. Listen, ask questions, and answer questions appropriate for their age and as many times as necessary. Understand and reflect their feelings. Give accurate feedback where needed. Internalize the coaching skills you learned in this book.
Clarify Your Expectations
Unclear expectations with your children will lead to disappointment and loss of trust. Communication contracts can serve as a resource for you to clarify your expectations. Clarifying expectations may take your time, but simple disagreements created by implicit expectations lead to a loss of trust. People find themselves in great communication conflicts because of hidden expectations in homes, workplaces and everywhere.
“Did I want you to bring this glass?”
“Yes, so I thought so.”
“No, I wanted you a large glass cup.”
“But you didn’t say that!”
“Didn’t I say? Didn’t you ask too? Besides, you are a child, how do you ask the mother to account? “
In order for the expectations to be clarified, everyone should do their part. Now please take a moment to think. Because of what veiled expectation, your relationships with your child, spouse or a friend are being damaged? Or are you ignoring what is expected of you?
Understanding Your Child
Understanding your child is perhaps the most important step of confidence you can take. You can only know what is important to him by understanding him/her very well. Something seen as taking care of him, spending time, making you feel loved for you can be something he does not like at all, such as “helping with his homework, going to the movies, giving money, taking a match” and this can lead to a loss of trust.
Therefore, try to understand what your children care about when building your trusting relationship. Something important to him should also be important to you. “I like movies like this.” To take a movie in your favorite style is not to take a step to have a good time with him/her, it is even an act that damages trust. Sometimes something that seems ridiculous to you can be very important to your 6-year-old daughter. When you do what she said with him, you quit all your workand take a big step forward flexibly in your plans.
Keep Your Promises
One of the most important elements of gaining trust is keeping them when you make promises. Not keeping it is a huge loss of confidence. Therefore, you must be very careful when making promises. Make it a principle not to make promises you cannot keep. If for some reason you cannot keep your promises, explain this to your child thoroughly. Keep your promises to yourself. Your child will create his/her values by modeling you. Confident that you are the person who keeps his promises to both yourself and others, your child will choose you as a counselor in the future.
Pay Attention Kindlyfor Small Things
Regardless of the age of the person, he has a heart. Something you don’t care about can be very important to your child. In one of my sessions, one of my clients described how unhappy his elder son was in a situation with his son, who was two years younger than him. His brother, who is two years old, wants to eat his food sometimes with a fork and sometimes by hand in the natural learning process. The mother allows this. One day, during lunch, his 4-year-old son told his mother: “Sometimes I want to eat by hand. But you just allow it. ” The mother said she was very sorry about this situation and she realized how big a seemingly small situation was for her eldest son.
Natural situations that seem small can sometimes cause a huge loss of confidence for your children. Being aware of this can only be possible by living in the moment. Think about what you can do to pay attention for the little things and show kindness. Saying your love in the middle of the day, sending a message, putting little notes in his/her notebook, doing a few little things that make her/his work easier, helping when she/he needs, expressing appreciation and love, and of course a sincere hug. We all know the positive emotions that hugging gives people. Little kindnesses make a big impact for everyone.
Show Loyalty
Tell the truth, be honest and do not talk or gossip around others, about people who are not there. The child, who hears the gossip and lies, will think that he is being talked about her/him in places where he is not, and will start to lie. Even when others are talking about people who are not there, you may not find it appropriate to intervene or want to conversation to end because they are not there. Be a model for loyalty to your children as it is in all matters.
For example; About your child’s grandmother, when this person is not with you, saying “let us leave a little bit now” while grandma is with you, “maybe you can think of living with us” is perceived as dissimulation in your child’s eyes if your opinion has not changed really and very quickly. This damages the trust relationship between you. If you don’t want this to happen, be loyal to people who are not there. How does it make you feel to hear someone talk about you like that? Would you feel trusted and approved? Most importantly, could you ever trust that person again? Likewise, pay attention to the conversations you have with others about your child. If you are going to talk, you should see the positive aspects and speak respectfully as if you were with you. Talking negatively or disrespectfully about those who are not there, even in good faith, harms the trust relationship you establish with your child, as they do not have the right to respond.
Apologize
Unfortunately our society is a society of bad apologies. However, a true apology is only beg for confident people. A true apology requires compensation, it requires sincerity. Be sure to apologize when you behave in ways that harm your trust level. This will not make you weaker in your child’s eyes, but rather empower you.If you do not want your apology to be worthless by your child by saying “you constantly apologize”, when you act in a way that will damage your trust level,sincerelyapologize and make sure to make it up. Look for ways to make up without making excuses or covering up.
Now stop and think. To whom do you have to sincerely apologize?
Ozlem – Inci Aktas
