A healthy society is possible with healthy individuals. Self-confidence is a characteristic that only individuals with high self-esteem have. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is how a person sees him/herself, how he/she describes him/herself and his/her true thoughts about himself. Your child’s thoughts about himself; will determine the friends they choose, how to communicate with others, how to use their structure and productivity. Being a parent; It is a very important responsibility for the child to be an honest person who lives with his values and to be an individual who is aware of his/her abilities. At the same time, it is necessary to give the message that the child is always valuable in order for the child to develop a healthy sense of self. The unconditional acceptance and love of the child as he or she is, being valued are the most important requirements of being a parent.
The basis of self-esteem is laid between the ages of 0-6. The development of self-esteem occurs with the messages “I am valuable and worth being loved for being me, I am sufficient to overcome the problems I will encounter in life”. The child in the ages of 0-6 receives these messages primarily from the words of his/her parents and elders who spend the most time with him/her around him/her. Self-esteem; self-love is all of the concepts of self-worth. Adults are fully responsible for the development of your child’s self-esteem. The child whose self-esteem is not developed sufficiently tries to gain respect by taking shelter in images when he grows up. The need for dignity turns into self-deception by trying to become a member of something like money, location, title, fame, or being an elected member of a group. When a person’s self-worth is not sufficiently developed, he or she either becomes cocky or considers himself superior to other people or is helpless with inferiority and cannot cope with his responsibilities. When self-esteem does not develop, he becomes too arrogant or easily yields to the demands of others.
We send children everywhere for their education, but do we get enough education and cultivation to be decent parents? It is really rare for mothers and fathers to receive training for their awareness. We find it sufficient to meet the basic needs of our children and do not make an effort to meet their emotional needs. We do what our parents do to us to meet their emotional needs. We give reactions that will devalue them, we begrudge to our children sense of our love. We do all kinds of coercion that will make you feel inadequate, we want more than their abilities and interests, and when not, we act as if the child is wrong.
We do not respect our child’s perceptions, even if it is difficult, it will be the right attitude to show that the child’s perception is correct. For example; It is also an important problem not to know that the mother saying “I do not cry” to the child who sees her crying just so that she will not be upset will cause much bigger problems in the future. The child doubts his own perceptions. If the child cannot learn to trust their own perceptions, the child has difficulty in trusting their decisions, perceiving what is taught, and cares about the opinions of others. To improve the child’s perception, it is necessary to respect his perceptions, even if it is difficult for the moment. We must not make bad futures of our children for our own benefit.
No situation is worse than misleading children’s perceptions. We lay the foundation for raising an individual who cannot rely on his own decisions. He makes wrong choices because he cannot evaluate the events correctly. In order to be an adult whose interpretations are trusted, our interpretative power must be respected in our childhood. While crying next to our child, when our child asks why we are crying, to say “I am not crying, why you thinking like that, I had tears because I chopped onions” is to deny the power of interpretation and perception. The child trusts his comments less and less every time.
Also, children’s self-esteem is linked to respect for their feelings. If a boy is crying, sexist prohibitions such as “men don’t cry, men don’t fear” … It is forbidden to laugh at girls, they will be light if they laugh … We cause our children to abuse their emotions and we do not allow them to live their emotions to the fullest.
If the child cannot express his feelings, he learns to suppress. Repressed emotions are dangerous. It is also the cause of all diseases. To improve their sense of power; remember that every emotion has a function, not block their emotions whether we like it or not, question why they feel this way, question how we can help them to solve this problem by empathizing if they are experiencing negative emotions. At this point, using coaching skills will help the child to feel and realize their emotions and become an individual with self-esteem.
Ozlem – Inci Aktas
