Coaches emphasize the creative, positive and strengths of the clients, enable individuals to discover themselves and to approach solution-oriented against events and problems. It enables the client to approach by taking responsibility in every step taken. It encourages the person to find their own solution. The child who is listened with empathy without being judged by his parents becomes more willing to share his own problems. Problems that are recognized together are evaluated in a mutually constructive way. With questions that create strong awareness, the necessary perspective is provided for the child to develop positive behavior.
Parents sometimes focus too much on the shortcomings that exist in their children. They warn to be an individual as they wish, they may not see him/her as an independent individual. Instead of accepting the child unconditionally, they try to change he/she and put he/she in certain patterns. To stop trying to change forcibly and to accept it as it is is to allow the child to be the best he can be.
The coaching approach, by its assumptions, accepts the person as perfect and complete and believes in problem solving skills. When communicating with the child, consulting his / her ideas in the face of problems, giving initiative and trusting the child regarding solutions will contribute to the development of self-confidence of the child. The self-confident child will be more willing to exhibit positive behavior and will be more confident in taking responsibility for their actions. According to Gordon; Incorrect communication methods often used by parents in their approach to children cause the following obstacles to occur with their children:
Stopping children from expressing themselves, interrupting their words
To cause them to defend themselves and to argue
Making them feel inadequate and worthless
Creating irritability and anger
Making them feel guilty and bad
Showing that they do not trust them to solve their own problems
Making them feel that they are not accepted as they are
Make them feel like they’re constantly being judged
Make his/her parents feel unrelated
Making her/his feelings feel wrong
Making him/her disappointed.
Trust in children develops primarily with their unconditional acceptance. It is important to take a coaching approach when faced with a child’s problem, and to be willing to listen to what the child’s problem is first. Listening with empathy without judgment while listening is the first rule of healthy communication. The parent who can accurately reflect what they understand to the child from what they listen to, makes the child feel understood and prevents the above-mentioned obstacles from occurring. Parents who can direct coaching questions that can be asked at the right place in order to bring an analytical approach to the child’s situation support the child’s problem-solving ability and contribute to the development of the child’s trust over time.
Children also need information and support. However, when they experience a problem, the typical approach of the parents and the constant trying to give advice can prevent the continuity of communication, and may interrupt the child’s problem solving process by creating resistance. Because the child, whose emotions are still intense, will firstly wait for himself to be listened to and understood. The solution appropriate to the situation can develop after the subject has been listened to in depth and a real understanding has been formed.
The willingness of the parties to communicate for the solution of problems and disagreements within the family, everyone’s approach to the process at an equal level, as in coaching, open to listening and understanding, and giving the right approaches with empathy contribute to the creation of mutual trust. Coaching is an effective communication tool. The acquisition of skills that will enable a more effective approach to the solution of problems may contribute to removing barriers in communication.
Ozlem – İnci Aktas
